If there is one lesson learnt by becoming a mum it is not to judge other mums. Ok so I will judge mums who do stupid stuff like smoke around their babies or put tea in their bottles {I saw this on tv - why would you give a baby caffeine? are you insane?!} but aside from the obviously ludicrous I am reserving judgement. I have learnt with motherhood that you have to go with what you're given. This often means abandoning ideas that you {sometimes delusionally} had pre-baby.
The first hard-learned lesson in not passing judgement was with regards to breastfeeding. While pregnant I was 100% certain that I would breastfeed. 100%. During an antenatal class when the midwife was extolling the virtues of breastfeeding I turned to my husband and said something along the lines of "I just
don't understand people who don't breastfeed, when you are told the many benefits, how could you not?!". When friends of mine tried and failed to breastfeed, I will admit that in my holier-than-thou pre-motherhood naïvety I decided that they probably didn't really try hard enough. Determined not to be caught out by common breastfeeding problems I bought books and DVDs so that I was armed with a solution to every breastfeeding problem. Or so I thought. Cue baby arriving and refusing - yep, point blank refusing - to breastfeed. For whatever reason, my little cherub decided that breastfeeding was not for her and could not or would not latch on. I saw several midwives and breastfeeding counsellors, most of whom commented that they had not encountered such a problem. I was referred to a consultant who had solved breastfeeding issues of more than 2,000 babies and said that she had never been beaten by a baby yet. That was until my little munchkin came along. After numerous sessions and trying everything conceivable, this woman - who lectures all over the world on such issues - told me to give up. She told me that my baby was so smart that she had now worked out she didn't even need to try as she could be sure to get milk in other ways {the various syringe, cup and bottle devices we tried}. The consultant said she had never met a baby like mine before. So unique was our little one that this consultant took video footage and planned to use our case as a study for her students. Despite my dire disappointment, I felt just a teensy bit proud of our unique baby! The guilt that followed my failure to breastfeed was profound and made me realise how silly and flippant I had been to judge others. Lesson #1: Don't judge mothers who don't breastfeed.
You might think I would have cast aside my judgey ways at this point. Nope. It took me another lesson in motherhood before the message really sunk in. This time the issue was reusable nappies - or cloth diapering depending on which side of the pond you live. Again, whilst pregnant I swanned around proclaiming the benefits of cloth nappies and not understanding how people could face themselves in the mirror knowing that they were willingly adding to landfill. I dutifully bought enough reusable nappies to see us from birth to potty and a tumble dryer to make life simpler. I am still very keen on the idea of cloth nappies but the reality just didn't quite stack up for us. Firstly the brand we bought were very bulky, you could say ridiculously so, and made clothing our bambino quite a task as nothing now fit. The two layered system meant that the nappies dug into her tummy if they were fastened snugly but fastened loosely they leaked. Granted we couldn't afford a top of the range tumble dryer but these nappies took
forever to dry. Add to that the extra pre-wash cycle required and our electricity and water bills increased very significantly. Geek that I am, I worked out how much it was costing us compared to disposables: there was little difference. I couldn't help but think that the energy being used to wash and dry these nappies went against the idea of them being a "greener" option. Perhaps if we had chosen a different brand, lived somewhere where energy was cheap or the sun shone a lot of the time so we could dry them outside then we would have had more luck. Alas, this was the hand we were dealt with cloth nappies and I accepted defeat. I still hate the idea that I am adding to landfill but I did learn once and for all not to judge other mums. Lesson #2: don't judge mothers who use disposable nappies.
So my message to all mums is this: go easy on yourself and go easy on the choices of others. After all we are all just trying to muddle through this the best we can and we have enough self inflicted guilt to deal with without others casting a judging eye on us. *steps off of soap box*
